As a therapist who includes sex therapy, along with couples and individual therapy, I get to have some interesting conversations with male, female, and trans clients, as well as straight and gay couples. In this blog post, I wanted to focus on conversations in regard to sex and intimacy for women. Even though I am listing some discussions that come up most often, I want to emphasize that every woman is unique, and that there is no right way to be a sexual being, there is room for everyone.
Our society has often portrayed women in two distinct and opposite roles, one where she puts everyone and everything else before sex, or a woman that is very sexually promiscuous and is portrayed as desperate. Were these portrayals created and sustained by men, by women, and/or co-created by both? How do these roles shape how women view sex? Of course, it’s essential to mention that we also have so many examples of empowered sexuality for women, to counter those aforementioned outdated roles. Increasingly, we see women who are embracing and expressing their sexual feelings.
Women in my sessions and in groups that I present to, will quite often mention that they feel uncomfortable in regard to how their body looks, and that based on this, they are less likely to show their body to their partner. In addition, many women I speak to feel ambivalent about sex in their relationships, often citing communication issues, being tired, and/or or a general lack of time.
When I explore a bit deeper with female clients, and we begin to discuss the role of fantasy in relation to sex, I notice that quite often women don’t spend a lot of time fantasizing, as do men. There are so many reasons for the differences between men and women in terms of desire, one is that many men devote a good amount of time to developing their sexual fantasy life, most often using erotic media, aka porn, while many women do not. This fact is changing though, as women, in particular, younger women are increasingly engaging more of their thoughts and/or actions based on the erotic media they are viewing.
I have to also include that I have met many couples where none of what I said applies to the female partner and instead, applies to the male partner. In my work with same sex couples, generalizations don’t hold up at all. I tell all of my same sex couples that I provide couples therapy, and that includes all couples.
I hope that you can tell from this blog post that I am very comfortable talking about sex and that I value the differences in all my clients. I look forward to hearing from you to answer any questions that you may have.
100B Danbury Rd, Suite 201D
Ridgefield, CT 06877 ( building B is behind Union Savings Bank)