“It was nothing” . How often have you heard this when you are telling someone you are hurt by something they did? It’s important for everyone to realize that what is nothing to you may indeed be something to someone else, and vice versa.

How do you handle this in your relationship? Is it minimized or are you told to “stop making it a big deal”, or “stop being so sensitive”.  I find when people hear these statements it actually sets off a chain reaction in their brain to keep asking louder and louder or to totally shut down because they have not been heard and validated in regard to their initial concerns.

What would it be like to change this dynamic? Try saying, “tell me more”, or ” is there anything else about this situation that you need to add so I understand”, this softens the situation and helps all involved lessen their anxiety and anger.

These statements are not admissions of guilt, they are just meant to try and do something different to get a different response. They are also quite a bit different from the traditional routine of denial which breeds resentment, these statements tend to de-escalate negative interactions in your communication with others.

It’s so essential in any loving and connected relationship to listen when someone says they are hurt over something.


I work with couples and individuals in my psychotherapy and coaching practice. My clients make progress! I offer email support in-between sessions to my clients as part of our work together. Find Your Strengths at http://www.kelleyhopkinsalvarez.com.

Let’s continue the “conversation”, text 203-948-0938 or email me @ kelleytherapy@icloud.com.

Thank you so much for reading my blog!

Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez, Licensed Professional Counselor, MS, MSEd, NCC, BCC
Address: 100B Danbury Road, Suite 201D, Ridgefield, CT 06877 (behind Union Savings Bank