People often want one thing that they can take home after a session with me that they can refer to in order to help them in communicating. Many of the arguments and challenges I see couples and individual adults face are related to ambiguity.  You would be surprised at how many people who are clear in their careers but are much less so in their parenting and/or intimate relationships. Taking the time to ask someone to clarify what he or she is saying vs. personalizing and judging goes a long way toward synergy.

I made a video on communication tips that my clients tell me they replay when they notice negative patterns start creeping into their conversations again.

Try this: Ask your loved one in a positive way to clarify what they are saying so you can better understand them. Ask for more information by stating, “tell me more”, or, ” can you please elaborate”. The tone and delivery of these questions is essential. Ask yourself if you are getting the results you desire with your close relationships, if not, then try to change how you deliver your statements. I know this is very challenging to incorporate because quite often this person triggers you; this is why it’s essential to work on yourself and how you respond to stress. Do you respond by becoming more reactive or do you try to de-escalate conflict in positive ways?

I work with couples and individuals in my psychotherapy and coaching practice. My clients make progress! Find Your Strengths at Let’s continue the “conversation”, text 203-948-0938 or email me @ to discuss your challenges.
Thank you so much for reading my blog!

Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez, Licensed Professional Counselor, NCC, BCC
Address: 100B Danbury Road, Suite 201D, Ridgefield, CT 06877 (behind Union Savings Bank)